WHEN WILL I MARRY? (1)
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| Photo by Sandy Millar on Unsplash |
When I was younger, I was often mistaken for being older than my real age. As I write this, I have finally caught up to their expectation, but I am still often older than my real age or younger. So, since I was twenty, people have worried for me about when I will meet the “one” and “tie the knot.” As I grew older, the number of worriers and the degree of worrying increased. I must confess, at some point, they almost infected me. They made me question my beauty, my character, my purpose, and even my faith.
The years
have gone by, and my marital status (or lack of) is still a source of
unsolicited sympathy. It also fetches me some extra disdain and disrespect. One
wonderful thing about working from home is that I now have more days when I do
not get any snide or pitiful comments or attitudes regarding my “single”
status. Even then, I may get hit by these bullets from e-mails, phone
conversations, chats, or just exchanging pleasantries with someone in the
neighbourhood (I like to take walks). Most of it is friendly fire, but some
have come from people that do not even know my name, total strangers!
But the better
part is that I get the same set of questions, and the absolute best part is the
chunks of advice! I have received them from little children and adults, family
members, friends, friends’ parents, Uber and Bolt drivers, work colleagues, and
random strangers. I really don’t mind the questions, especially when I
am not exhausted by the daily grind. The advice part though! Maybe l should
start a collection and make a book out of them that may eventually be my claim
to fame. Let me share some of them with you.
“Use
makeup.”
“Wear
necklaces.”
“Don’t buy
a car.”
“Buy a
car.”
“Get a
teaching job.”
“Make
yourself more available.”
“Make
yourself scarce.”
“Go out more.”
“Don’t go
out too much. Mr Right may think that you are not disciplined.”
“Pray
more.”
“Join the
choir.”
“Go jogging
on Lekki-Ikoyi Bridge”
“Lose
weight and stop eating cake and ice cream in public. Do you want Mr Right to
think that you are fat because you are not disciplined?”
“Don’t
raise your voice. Stop shouting!”
“Be calm.
Don’t react in anger to offensive behaviour or treatment.
“Wear
skirts.”
“No, wear
trousers. Are you a skirt sister?”
“Don’t wear
trousers.”
“Be
natural.”
“Why don’t
you use weave-on or wear wigs?”
“Close
early, so that Mr Right will know that when he marries you, you will not choose
work over family.”
“Close
late, so that you can have time and opportunity to gist with potential Mr
Rights who close late.”
“Don’t work
from home. How will they see you?”
“Be active
on social media. Post more pictures of yourself.”
“You need
to lower your standards. Stop being choosy!”
“Humble
yourself. You know too much.”
“You are
too opinionated. You should not have strong beliefs or opinions about anything.
Be flexible. What if Mr Right does not agree with you?”
“Don’t
argue. Are you a lawyer?”
“Change
your church! Where the carcass is, the eagles gather!”
“Tell your
friends and family members to introduce you.”
“Join a
dating platform online.”
“Sow
seeds.”
“Go for
deliverance.”
Which of
these is your favourite? Which ones do you agree with?
No, I am
not making fun of YOU (you know yourselves, dear advisers). I know you love me
and want what’s best for me. That’s why I want to tell you when I will marry.
If only we
could find Mr Right and ask him about his preferences so that I will receive fewer
contradictory answers or find the winning formula. Like you probably do, I know
of highly opinionated women who wear trousers, eat cake and ice cream in
public, do not use make-up, have busy careers, are not schoolteachers, and are
visibly happily married. I also know of very phlegmatic, agreeable, slender,
beautiful teachers, who do not eat cake and ice cream in public or private, who
do not wear trousers, and who are as unmarried as I am. Mr Right needs to tell
us who he is and what he wants. Or maybe not, because I will tell you when
I will marry.
Sometimes,
the advice should come with a trigger warning, like when some people tell me:
“Your
flower is fading. You know, women have a short shelf-life.”
“You are
not getting any younger.” Who gets any younger?
“The older
you get, the more likely you are to have problems with conception or
childbirth.”
“The
quality of your eggs is dropping”
“See your
mates, even the men, are married, and the younger ones too are leaving you
behind.”
Haba! See
Quality Control Officers. My grandma will disagree with you about the flower
part though. She insists that human beings are not flowers, and, definitely,
not her daughters. Besides, I have searched everywhere for this date. Maybe God
forgot to brand me, or the midwife cleaned it off when I was born because I
can’t find my expiry date anywhere! What I hear in all of these is that the
married ones are better off than I am and that I am a failure until I marry. So,
finally, I will tell you when I will marry.
Some
well-intentioned friends have used Scripture passages to condemn my unmarried
state. Let me tell you about the two most popular ones and my final response to
them.
2. The LORD God said,
"It is not good for the man to be alone.” (Genesis 2:18)
Which, if you complete it, tells you that God fixed
it. It was not good for Adam to be alone. Adam was the only human on earth at
the time, so God made a suitable helper for him. I am not Adam. I am not alone
anywhere. I have been blessed with family, friends, and neighbours. Besides, you
know of some married people who are lonelier than I could ever be, even if I
never get married, so marriage is not the cure-all.
Marriage is
a beautiful gift when done right. Singlehood is a beautiful gift. Will I be
single till I die? When will I marry? I intend to answer this question, which
is why this discussion is TO BE CONTINUED.
Comments
I'm surprised that you didn't add the "you must be submissive" advice, because I'm sure that must have been part of it.
Let me go read the part 2 now