MY FAITH WAS SHAKEN

Photo by Nubelson Fernandes on Unsplash

Psalm Twenty-Three

¹The LORD is my shepherd;

I shall not want.

²He makes me to lie down in green pastures;

He leads me beside the still waters.

³He restores my soul;

He leads me in the paths of righteousness

For His name’s sake.

⁴Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil;

For You are with me;

Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

⁵You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;

You anoint my head with oil;

My cup runs over.

⁶Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me

All the days of my life;

And I will dwell in the house of the LORD

Forever.

This was the first Psalm I ever memorised. I think it was the first Bible passage I ever memorised too. I either learnt it in Kindergarten (KG) Three or Primary One, and it often peeks from my subconscious without invitation. Our teacher made us memorize the King James Version, but I prefer the New King James Version, without the extra “eth”, as in “maketh”, “leadeth”, “restoreth”, etc.

One day, at Bible Study this year, one of the discussion questions was, “What do you expect the rest of your life to be like?” The members of the group were very realistic. They said that while they would prefer a life free of troubles and pains, the Bible teaches us to expect hardship on this side of eternity. As I thought of my response, Psalm 23 came to mind, as a picture of what life looks like. I would like the rest of my life to be everything in Psalm 23, except the fourth verse. I would prefer that the valley of the shadow of death moments are in the past and that the present and future are all green pastures, soul restoration, tables in the presence of my enemies, cup running over, and goodness and mercy all the days of my life. Yet, our lives see suffering before glory. It is just the way it is. Sometimes, it will seem like evil is stronger than glory. We will walk through the valley of the shadow of death, and we may wonder whether God is really with us.

I was exposed to the terror of evil and the valley of the shadow of death moments early in my life, and as a teenager, I read books that helped me accept that God is good, all the time, despite extreme suffering, pain, hardship, and grief, including Phillip Yancey’s Where Is God When It Hurts, and James Dobson’s When God Doesn’t Make Sense. I recall that my dad saw me when I was reading When God Doesn’t Make Sense, and he told me, “God always makes sense. You should not be reading that type of book.” I answered him, “Well, sometimes, it doesn’t look that way to me. God doesn’t make sense already and the book is helping me make sense of God. Besides, I got the book from your library. Why did you buy it if it should not be read?” I also read the Book of Job, in the Christian Bible, and from time to time, I go back to that story of tragedy and suffering, when I need reassurance in difficult times. I find the Psalms very reassuring and comforting, and when I cannot find the words to pray, I read some Psalms repeatedly. I cannot recall any dark period in my life that I did not sing God’s praises or trust God’s sovereignty.

Until the first week of May 2022.

My faith was seriously shaken last week. Like many things in life, it was a build-up. I feel things deeply. For me, the news goes beyond the stories and information; I think of the individuals, and I am joyful, hopeful, saddened, angered, or repulsed, depending on the context of the news. Sometimes, I skim through, numb my emotions, and try to be indifferent, because it can be a lot, I do not see how I can help, and I want to protect my mental health. Often though, I remember that those directly affected do not have the luxury of indifference, and I know that numbness reduces my compassion, so, instead, I redirect my helplessness and frustrations to prayers.

When I first saw the tweet of a missing University of Lagos (UNILAG) student on April 9, there had been a cycle of horrific news, from the atrocities in Ukraine to Bamise Ayanwole’s gruesome murder, my friend, Phillip’s death, the Kaduna train attack, and the disgusting politricks of Nigeria’s rulers and presidential aspirants. I quickly skipped the missing person tweet, as I was already overwhelmed. There had also been a few missing person tweets, with reports after a few days that the missing persons were found, I did not expect this to be any different, and I did not think about it again until April 14, when I saw a retweet. One week later and he had not been found? This time, I read the poster and paused to pray that Obafunto Babalola returns to his loved ones. The next day, I learnt that his mother is my Christian sister – we are members of the same Christian Union alumni fellowship.

On our WhatsApp group, two different Christian sisters suggested that we raise a prayer altar on the matter. I asked Google, “What is a prayer altar?” A prayer altar is a dedicated place and/or time for prayer. It was a great suggestion. We could meet to pray daily at a specific time until Obafunto returned home. However, I thought that it would be a hugely difficult commitment, and I was afraid of disappointment. What if we never get news about Obafunto? At what point would we stop the prayers? One of my cousins has been missing for about twenty years. We also had this church member who went missing in the early 2000s. He had a wife and teenage children. He did not return home one evening and nothing has come to light about his disappearance till now. Same for the son of one of our church members, who disappeared from one of the universities around the same time. There is also Martin Udogie, who used to host the Fidelity SME Forum on radio, missing since October 2015, the same year he launched his book How to Read More. A young girl left home for choir practice about three years ago and has not been seen or heard of even as I write this. And there is the friend of my dear sisters in Ghana, Rhodaline Amoah-Darko, missing since September 2021. I did not think I had enough faith to call for prayers for Obafunto.

Even so, I asked myself, “What if he is your son or biological brother or close friend?” Surely, I would not give up so easily, and I would want people to pray earnestly too. Hence, despite my fears, I scheduled the daily Zoom meetings for us to pray for at least 30 minutes daily, starting from April 17, the Resurrection Sunday. After all, Jesus said, “If you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move” (Matthew 17 vs 20). I also remembered two stories I heard from my father, about missing people who returned home after many years. My faith somewhat increased.

Daily, we have met to pray. Every day, since April 17, there are people across different time zones, praying for Obafunto Babalola and his family, begging the Almighty God for a miracle, exercising faith, believing, and encouraging others to believe, that God hears our prayers and will give us the miracle we greatly desire. Some among us have encouraged us with testimonies of other missing people who returned home. On the days I don’t join the group prayers, I get email notifications from Zoom about who has joined the meeting. Every day, we hope that it will be the last day of these prayers, that we will get the news that God has granted our petitions and Obafunto has returned home.

Last week though, I was upset and frustrated. I thought about the Bible verse “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose” (Romans 8 vs 28). What good had come out of the mysterious disappearances of my cousin and the others, after all these years? I thought of Leah Sharibu, who was not released along with her schoolmates after their abduction from their school in Dapchi because she refused to convert to Islam. Why has God not caused confusion in the camp of the terrorists, despite prayers from Christians all over the world? Why did God not place a hedge of protection around her, such that anyone who attempted to harm her would be consumed by fire or would drop dead? Why would God watch families suffer the agony of not knowing whether their loved ones are dead or alive, and not intervene? What about the many humans kidnapped and raped by terrorists in Nigeria? What is good about their agony and the agony of their families? What about Ukraine? Why has God not stopped Putin? Why has the angel of the Lord not struck down the terrible Taliban rulers in Afghanistan and the terrorists and their sponsors in Nigeria? How long do we have to wait before Obafunto returns home? How long till our prayers are answered?

As a child, I was taught that God hears all our prayers and could give any of three answers: YES, NO, or WAIT. Our Bible teachers told us that when God’s answer is “No” or “Wait”, it is because God has better plans for us. I also remember Jesus' words, “If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” (Matthew 7 vs 11). What could be better than a loved one returning home? I cannot imagine a better outcome than our loved ones coming home. If God is indeed merciful, almighty, all-knowing, all-powerful, and loving, why would He keep those who believe in Him in such agony? Why would He not intervene swiftly? How long till God grants our petition?

My faith was shaken. I did not know how to pray to God anymore. I did not know how to trust God. God’s way did not make any sense to me. I needed to see a tangible miracle. I asked God, “Are you really good?”

It is hard to trust God when it seems like God is silent and the heavens are shut. But I think that’s because we forget, just like I did last week. The Bible does not deceive us about terrible things; it spells out all the gloom and doom and woes. What happened to Job, losing not only wealth and health, but ten children in one day, was a very terrible thing! Yet God did not give Job the back story. Instead, God outmatched Job with questions and regaled him with the splendour of His majesty (Job 38 to 40). Joseph was missing for many years. His brothers sold him to slavery and lied to their father that they found his bloodied robe. Jesus talked about “days of distress unequalled from the beginning, when God created the world until now – and never to be equalled again” (Mark 13 vs 19), and even told His disciples:

You will hear of wars and rumours of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. All these are the beginning of birth pains…. At that time many will turn away from the faith and will betray and hate each other (Matthew 24 vs 6, 7, 8, 10).

The Bible is full of hard teachings. One time (John 6), some of Jesus’ disciples were offended by Jesus’ hard teachings, and they deserted Him. So, Jesus turned to the Twelve Disciples, and asked them, “You do not want to leave too, do you?” Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God.” In my despair, I realised that these words Peter said are true for me too. If I reject God, who will I go to for help? Do I go to the President of Nigeria or the Nigeria Police Force? Have they been able to help themselves? Do I go to the President of the United States of America, or to the United Nations, who have been unable to help Ukraine or Afghanistan or even themselves? Even if God does not give me the answers I desire to my prayers, He offers me hope that no one else can, hope that I desperately need.

Like Asaph the Psalmist (Psalm 73), I asked God, “Whom have I in heaven but you? The entire Psalm 73 resonated with me. My heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, yet God held me and reminded me of the many things I had forgotten.

I must have forgotten about the seven seals in Revelation 6, with the rider given the power to take peace from the earth and to make people kill each other, and Death and Hades, who were given power over a fourth of the earth to kill by sword, famine, and plague, and by the wild beasts of the earth.

I must have forgotten about the “golden bowls full of incense, which are the prayers of God’s people” (Revelation 5), and about the angel with the gold censer who offered “the prayers of all God’s people on the golden altar in front of the throne,” and how the “smoke of the incense, together with the prayers of God’s people, went up before God from the angel’s hand” (Revelation 8).

I definitely did not remember that even though the early church (Acts of the Apostles) suffered immense tragedies, like the executions of Stephen and James, God miraculously delivered Peter, Paul and Silas from prison. God raised the dead Dorcas (Tabitha) and Eutychus. God saved Paul from death many times too, like the shipwreck on the Island of Malta, and the snake bite, still on the Island of Malta. So, what if I know of many people who have been missing for many years? God is sovereign and works in mysterious ways. He is able to bring Obafunto back to his family, and I don’t have to lose hope. He is able to give us breakthroughs in the other cases too.

I must have forgotten the prediction too, of how it ends, the great multitude from every nation, people and language crying, “Salvation belongs to our God, who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb” (Revelation 7 vs 10), and what one of the elders says about them, that they have come out of the great tribulation, and that “the Lamb at the centre of the throne will be their shepherd; He will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes” (Revelation 7 vs 14, 17).

I must have forgotten about the rider of the white horse, the One called Faithful and True, who judges and wages war with justice, the KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS, who captures the beast responsible for the havoc and its false prophet and throws them into the fiery lake of burning sulphur (Revelation 19).

Surely, I forgot about the new heaven and new earth, the inheritance of those who are victorious, and that time, when God’s dwelling place will be among the people, and He will wipe every tear from our eyes, that time when “there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain” for the old order of things, this present order of horrible things, would have passed away (Revelation 21).

Remember verse four of Psalm 23? God is with us as we walk through the valley of the shadow of death. God comforts us when in our griefs. And when we have passed through the fire, God prepares a table before us, in the presence of our enemies, and we will dwell with God forever! The valley of the shadow of death has different expressions, and sometimes, it takes the form of missing loved ones. Jesus even said, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

My faith was seriously shaken last week until I remembered that Jesus has overcome the world. My flesh and my heart fail me, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever (Psalm 73 vs 26). Like Job, I thought of things I do not understand, things too wonderful for me to know (Job 42 vs 3). Truly, God can do all things and no purpose of His can be thwarted.

One of my most favourite hymns is “Great is Thy Faithfulness”. Do you know where those words come from? Lamentations is often called the saddest book of the Bible. Nestled amid the complaints and palpable sorrow are these lines (emphasis mine):

I remember my affliction and my wandering,

the bitterness and the gall.

I well remember them,

and my soul is downcast within me.

Yet this I call to mind

and therefore I have hope:

Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,

for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion;

therefore I will wait for him.”

The LORD is good to those whose hope is in Him,

to the one who seeks Him;

it is good to wait quietly

for the salvation of the LORD. (Lamentations 3 vs 19 to 26)

Photo by Miriam G on Unsplash

We are still praying for Obafunto Babalola to return home. Our prayers are expressions of our faith in God and our hope for deliverance. Our numbers have even increased, and every day, we spend some time singing and praising God. Please join us to pray for him and his mother, father, and brother. Pray for Leah Sharibu too, the kidnapped victims of the Abuja-Kaduna train attack, other kidnapped victims, and about Rhodaline Amoah Darko, Martin Udogie, other missing people, and their families. Pray for Nigerians who face an avalanche of violence from state and non-state actors. Pray for God to bring to light what is hidden, to comfort and strengthen their loved ones, to set captives free, and restore hurting families.

More horrible news keeps coming. In the hours after I wrote the first draft of this piece, I read about the murder of Deborah Samuel in Sokoto, Nigeria. My faith looks up to Jesus. I will wait for the salvation of the Almighty God.

Remember Philip Yancey’s Where Is God When It Hurts? I cannot think of a better way to end this piece than to share an excerpt from the book (emphasis mine):

Where is God when it hurts?

He has been there from the beginning, designing a pain system that, even in the midst of a fallen world, still bears the stamp of His genius and equips us for life on this planet.

He transforms pain, using it to teach and strengthen us, if we allow it to turn us toward Him.

With great restraint, He watches this rebellious planet live on, in mercy allowing the human project to continue in its self-guided way.

He lets us cry out, like Job, in loud fits of anger against Him, blaming Him for a world we spoiled.

He allies Himself with the poor and suffering, founding a kingdom tilted in their favour. He stoops to conquer.

He promises supernatural help to nourish the spirit, even if our physical suffering goes unrelieved.

He has joined us. He has hurt and bled and cried and suffered. He has dignified for all time those who suffer, by sharing their pain.

He is with us now, ministering to us through His Spirit and through members of His body who are commissioned to bear us up and relieve our suffering for the sake of the Head.

He is waiting, gathering the armies of good. One day He will unleash them, and the world will see one last terrifying moment of suffering before the full victory is ushered in. then, God will create for us a new, incredible world. And pain shall be no more.

God is good all the time!