AGAINST TIME

 

Photo by Morgan Housel on Unsplash

In thirty-five days, I will finally be thirty-five, and I am excited. I remember the year I turned twenty-four. The build-up to my birthday was the worst ever, and that day, I was sad and ashamed, quite the opposite of how I feel about turning thirty-five. I have been reflecting and planning for this big milestone in my life, and I am excited to share it with you.

I am trying to live against time. I came to terms with my mortality in 2016. It seemed morbid, but I realized the truth, that I am not immortal, that I will die someday, and I do not know when. I am still not ready to die, and for me, that is frightening. I want to be able to look at death in its face and not be afraid. I have no control over when I will die. I am not more special, intelligent, God-fearing, spiritual, careful, or prayerful than the people who have died. I am not healthier than they were. My life is a gift from God, and only the Giver knows the expiry date. I pray for many many more years, and I trust that God will give me the time to do all that I need to do on this side of eternity. But I need to be ready to die. I need to live against time, focusing on the most important things to me – loving the ones God has given me, writing the pieces burning inside of me, and pursuing justice and mercy.

Primarily, I am trying to write against time. On January 20, 2022, I wrote in my journal, “I must write against time. I must redeem the time.” I have so many writing ideas. My “Writing to Finish” list is very long. I want to see how far I can go in the next thirty-five days. I have prioritized completing two pieces I have been mulling about for many weeks now. I will also review, update, and share a few pieces engaging my “unmarried” state, and initiating a conversation about singlehood. I would like to work on other lengthier pieces I am working on, for other mediums.

Writing is a lot of work. Hard work. Yet, it is what I must do. I must retreat to write. I must block long spaces of time, and just immerse myself in writing. My fingers must become one with my keyboard for the pieces in me to write themselves. I need to do this. I am only a messenger, and these pieces are burning inside of me, invading my waking moments and my sleep, screaming for release. I cannot do this without help. God’s help, and the help of my community of family and friends. I cannot succeed when people want me to answer their calls in real-time and respond to their messages almost as soon as they send them. I need to say no to many requests. Many things can no longer be urgent or important to me, otherwise, I will burn out. I will be late for many other things. I will slow down and indulge my senses, because that is what writing calls me to do, especially because I must combine this with trying to earn a living. Please, forgive me if it does not fit your expectations of how I ought to behave. My calling is calling me, and I must answer before I die. 

Something else I am doing as I count down to July 23, 2022, is praising God. That I am turning thirty-five means that I have been in Year 35 since July 23, 2021. When I think about this year 35 and all the years before, I see that God has been good to me. Like the songwriter, Kirk Franklin, said, I have been through the fire and the storm and been broken into pieces, but through it all, I remember that God loves me and cares for me. See, I have seen the goodness of God, and I have created a playlist to celebrate God’s goodness. Every day, from now till July 23, I will have it on repeat. I also have a collection of 35 albums across different genres of Christian music, of which I will share one daily. I will also share them on my WhatsApp status and Twitter because I want as many as possible to celebrate with me and increase the Spotify or YouTube plays of these songs and albums that have blessed me and some of my loved ones.

Yes, my loved ones. I often say that people are my clothes. Eniyan l’aso mi. Creating the playlist and album list made me even more aware of this. When I started developing my playlist, I thought, “Why not invite the special people in your life to be a part of this?” Before long, I realized that if I invited everyone who meant a lot to me, I would not have any song choices of mine in the playlist, and I would have more than 35 songs. So, when you listen to the songs and albums, you will hear the choices and hearts of different people who hold my heart, agreeing with me that God is good.

I want to build another playlist though. Can you, my dear reader, give me one Christian song of praise/adoration/worship to add to this playlist? Let’s see how many songs I can get before my birthday. One song per person and type it as a comment here.

Now, what’s a birthday without gifts from loved ones? I love books and I cannot have enough books! But books are not the only type of gifts l love to receive. I love perfumes and body sprays – nice fruity, flowery, musky, or earthy scents. I love spa experiences. I love to travel too. And I love colourful abayas and free sleeveless dresses (short or long). There is something you can never go wrong with though – MONEY! In any type of valid currency. If you ask for my account number, I will give it to you speedily. I know that giving gifts can be very stressful, so I’m taking the guesswork out of gifting for you on this my special birthday. I created this list on Gifster.

Finally, did you know that some anniversaries are considered landmark anniversaries? Apparently, in some cultures, only the landmark anniversaries are celebrated – every five years – and these years are associated with materials, that’s why we have silver jubilee for 25, golden jubilee for 50, diamond for 60, platinum for 70, etc. This convention started with wedding anniversaries though, not birthdays. The tradition had it that each wedding anniversary signified a milestone, hence the couple should exchange specific gifts, or be given specific gifts by family and friends that correspond with the strength and quality of the marriage at that stage. Accordingly, the first and second anniversaries were cotton and paper, because of the fragility of their relationship at the time, and, as the years progressed, the gifts became more expensive and rare items.

Year 35 is associated with Coral (UK) or Jade (US). I am contemplating updating my wish list with something coral and something jade. I’ll think about it.